If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Redeem this text for a blowjob
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
