we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
