Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Randomize
