at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
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