Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
