i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
Randomize
