Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
Fuck your 100 proof Hot Damn. Do you know what 100 proof vomit tastes like? Anger.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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