tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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