i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
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