kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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