i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I've ID'd the nipple biter.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
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