if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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