the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Randomize
