what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
