Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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