At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize