You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
On a side note I think I burnt my eyebrow when we "teter-totered" into the fire
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
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