come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I imagine her to be like a 19th century explorer/adventurer with different boys' hearts on her wall like animal heads
Like Teddy Roosevelt
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
