Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If it makes you feel any better... I have a friend who found out her mom was in the video for 2 Live Crew's "Pop That Pussy"
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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