ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
My cat gives me a boner
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Thanks for not locking your door. I had to pee and there was a random person throwing up in my bathroom so I used yours. \nPS I stole your soap
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
