You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
My life is a requiem composed in the key of fuck.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I just saw a woman give her infant whiskey tits. About ten minutes ago she was doing shots, and now she's breast feeding. Whiskey. Tits.
Randomize
