Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Stoned, and eating Doritos, and reading about lesbians for class. This is the life.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
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