I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I know and I love you for your valets putting your thong on your seat
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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