I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
You smell like a Billy Joel song
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
