Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
Randomize
