Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
OH MY GOD I CAN'T WAIT TO BONE YOUR EX BOYFRIEND. HOW AWKWARD IS THIS?
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Randomize
