Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
I'm sooo using this pickup line: "Baby, its not the 2.5 inches... Its the 200 pounds behind it"
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
Randomize
