we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
