I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
Omg. There's def a kid, like 10 years old, sitting in a buggy at wal mart holding a sign that reads "I can't behave"
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
