I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I want you more than these girls want KFC
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
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