i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
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