Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I'm ne vrr drinkjng againnnnnnnn dforeal.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize