Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
