come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
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