Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
