Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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