Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
Congrats you've received dick pics from an Olympic silver medalist
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
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