i swear i just saw perry the platypus. the fuck dude. i shouldnt even know who that is
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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