I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
