If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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