Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
