I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
