...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Randomize
