wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
