She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
