don't look now, but that cross eyed girl is staring at you... and me.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
