the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
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