ahhh, you guys look like a cute little family in the cop car!
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Randomize
