I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
We were destined to go to rehab together
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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