I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
