I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
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