did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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