You work out of a Hotel?
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
do herpes really smell.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
