Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I know. I need to get a vagina tranquilizer.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
I WILL PAPERCUT YOUR URETHRA YOU DO NOT STEAL A MANS SECOND BIG MAC
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
