my room smells like sperm. sweet.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
