Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Randomize
