he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
