yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
You started laughing mid-cry and when I asked you said, "my tears taste like vodka."
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
I am putting together a break up mix and its pretty much the best of Phil Collins
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize