my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
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