His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Randomize
