I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
Randomize
