please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
did i walk over a car last night?
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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