So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
Sorry I couldn't answer your call, I'm expecting a call from Chris Hansen.
I'm guessing you didn't end up going to the bar last night.
Nope. Ended up at what I believe was a slumber party down the street.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I just found a bag of teeth...
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
I think your dad took our porno
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
