dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
im breathing rainbows and everyone is talking in bubbles whatever you gave me give me more
I can't be 100% sure of this but I think tonight was the first time I told a middle aged woman holding a baby to go fuck herself
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize