They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
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