My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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