Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
The cop said he like my hair today. Please explain all other interactions with law enforcement, k thanks
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
You have to give it to him that he fucked me out of the dull weekdays.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Randomize
