be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
